A useful question to ask yourself

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"What am I optimizing for?"

I stumbled across this question a few years ago, and it's become my go-to whenever I feel stuck or confused about a decision.

It's surprising how often we don't actually know what we're trying to achieve. We just move forward on autopilot, following patterns we've never really examined.

Last month, I was agonizing over whether to accept a speaking opportunity. Great exposure, interesting topic, but terrible timing with everything else going on. I kept making pros and cons lists that got me nowhere.

Then I remembered to ask: "What am I optimizing for here?"

Turns out, I was unconsciously optimizing for "not disappointing people" rather than "doing work that matters to me right now." Once I saw that clearly, the decision was easy.

The question in action

My friend Alex was stressing about two job offers recently. One paid about 20% more but required being in the office five days a week. The other had more flexibility but less prestige.

When I asked him what he was optimizing for, he automatically said "career growth." But when we dug deeper, he realized he was actually optimizing for "what looks good on paper" rather than "what creates the daily life I want."

He took the flexible job and is much happier having time for his photography on the side.

Another example: Sarah couldn't figure out why her mornings always felt so chaotic despite trying various productivity systems. The optimization question revealed she was unconsciously optimizing for "maximum efficiency" instead of "starting the day feeling centered."

She dropped her elaborate morning routine and replaced it with 20 minutes of reading with coffee. Problem solved.

So, what are we really optimizing for?

I've noticed most of us are unconsciously optimizing for things like:

• Avoiding any form of rejection

• Looking good to others

• Keeping all options open

• Avoiding difficult conversations

• Getting immediate results

• Maintaining comfort at all costs

• Living up to someone else's definition of success

None of these are wrong necessarily. But there's a big difference between choosing these priorities deliberately and having them run your life without your awareness.

Shifting the optimization

The magic happens when you consciously choose what to optimize for:

What if instead of optimizing for certainty, you optimized for learning?

Instead of optimizing for comfort, what about optimizing for growth?

Rather than optimizing for efficiency, what about optimizing for presence?

Each of these creates a completely different set of decisions and a completely different life.

How I use this question

Whenever I notice myself feeling anxious or torn about something, I pause and ask:

1. What am I actually optimizing for right now? (The real answer, not the one I think I should give)

2. Is this optimization intentional or on autopilot? (Be honest!)

3. Is this actually what matters most to me in this situation?

4. What would be a better optimization that aligns with who I want to be?

This works for everything from tiny decisions (why am I scrolling social media instead of going to sleep?) to major life choices (why am I hesitating to make this career change I know I want?).

Try it this week

Here's a simple experiment: The next time you feel stuck, stressed, or uncertain about something, ask yourself what you're really optimizing for.

Don't judge whatever answer comes up – just notice it with curiosity.

Then ask if that's really what matters most to you in this situation. If not, what would be a better optimization?

Some interesting places to apply this:

• Why you say yes to things you don't really want to do

• How you choose to spend your free time

• What you're working so hard to achieve

• Why certain people's opinions matter so much to you

• What you're putting off despite knowing it's important

I'd love to hear what you discover if you try this. Just hit reply and let me know.

Talk soon,

Raihan | Mindful Maven